RECESSION A LA VENZUELA! By Tunji Suleiman
When you encounter the kind of narratives some people lead themselves to believe and propagate these days just because of political partisanship and pre-election fever, you just have to shake your head and walk pass lest you are led to temptation and get taken in for assault or ‘two fighting’.
Imagine someone writing “We were not the only country that was hit by recession…Why are we the worst hit globally.”
Now, nobody is saying it is a tea party in Nigeria at this time and/or over the past few years. It has been grueling for most country people. And we are all in it. But to say ours is the global worst in the comity of recessed nations is stretching hyperbole into willful misinformation.
As a man, you will be in big trouble right now if you were to be Venezuelan. It is granted that you will suffer the greatest scarcity of every imaginable ‘essenco’. But the one that will finally get you is the scarcity of condoms. Yes, good old rubber. Even the Gold Circle treated with disdain here is hardly available.
Perhaps you will manage at first and abstain, but you will eventually give in after the ‘initial gragra’. All fasts must ultimately be broken as body is not firewood. You will go skin on skin at last. Of course you know the consequences. ‘Ayo abara tin tin’, tiny bundle of joy, here. But there, it is bad news now. It is better than our ‘disease of the elite’. If you get that one, you are on your own, OYO. In all events there will be no emergency contraceptives, no drugs to induce and/or manage abortion and none for antenatal care. And no medical supplies for births. No Epidural. No ICU or other post-natal and no pediatrics. At least not for everyday people. Infant formula is H2O which is natural i.e. worse than our ‘pure’ as the local water works has shut down for lack of chemicals.
Between 2015 and now you might have knocked or knocked up like 15 if, as an active male, you have not been imprudent and managed one per quarter, gone without the rest of the time and/or filled gaps with you know what self help.
Next time you show up at the hospital, they will lure you in and amputate your something. Never mind that there will be no anesthesia. You can shout “rule of law” as we freely do here, but you may not continue to grow the population in the face of shortages as you happily can here. If you didn’t know before, or had forgotten, you will learn or recall that you didn’t come to this world to knock and/or knock up. And no antibiotics, not even bandages for dressing. Imagine catching gangrene down under from recession.
Now men are running and females are chasing, and everybody is hungry and stressed out from congeal and nobody is happy.
Google Venezuela. Our fundamentals match: oil, recession, regime change.
Next time I hear you say “We are the worst hit globally”, I will convert available cash or liquidate available holdings to get you a one-way ticket. I will also do all I can to ensure you use it. In short, you will emigrate. After all, Venezuela is abroad.
What else can I say? ‘Dupe tie’, thank God for your own. It happened to the people of Olugbon and they managed it. Even those of Aresa pulled through theirs. No condition is permanent. It will get better.
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